Hi Folks, you've finally got to my Joke Of The Day page, I hope these all make you laugh as they did me :o) Hey and don't forget to send me your jokes too, then perhaps I'll add them to the page. It will be updated regularly on a day to day basis, or weekly depending on how much I can do. :o)

The Second Wife...

A wife asks her husband, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?"

"After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship."

"If I died and you remarried," the wife asks, "would she live in this house?"

"We've spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house. I guess she would."

"If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house," the wife asks, "would she sleep in our bed?"

"Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2,000. It's going to last along time, so I guess she would."

"If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house and slept in our bed, would she use my golf clubs?"

"Oh, no," the husband replies. "She's left-handed."

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The Farmer And The Hiker...

A farmer in a beat up old truck was driving to town when he spotted a hiker carrying a heavy backpack and a big suitcase. Being a caring man, the farmer pulled over and asked the young man if he wanted a ride.

Even though the truck looked like it was about to fall apart, the young man put his suitcase in the back and climbed aboard. But the farmer was confused when he noticed the man still wearing the backpack.

"Why don't you take a load off, and put that pack in the back with your suitcase?" asked the farmer.

The hiker responded, "That's very kind of you sir, but I wasn't sure if the truck could carry the extra weight. So I thought I'd carry it myself."

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A Hunting We Will DOH!...

It was Saturday morning as Eric, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Cindy, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.

Eric asks her: "What are you up to?" Cindy smiles: "I'm going hunting with you!"

Eric, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decides to take her along. Later they arrive at the hunting site. Eric sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot".

Eric walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Cindy couldn't bag an elephant - much less a deer. Not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots.

Quickly, Eric starts running back. As Eric gets closer to her stand, he hears Cindy screaming: "Get away from my deer!"

Confused, Eric races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell: "Get away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire!

Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Eric is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says - "Okay, lady, okay! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!"

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Here's an early Mom's day tribute...

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house.

His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and ask me what in the world I did today?"

"Yes" was his incredulous reply. She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it!"

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A self-made man?...

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.

I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.

The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37.

Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

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Watch what you ask for!...

The young clerk's responsibilities included bringing the judge a hot cup of coffee at the start of every day.

Each morning the judge was enraged that the coffee cup arrived two-thirds full. The clerk explained that he had to rush to get the coffee delivered while it was still hot, which caused him to spill much of it along the way.

None of the judge's yelling and insults produced a full cup of coffee, until he finally threatened to cut the clerk's pay by one-third if he continued to produce one-third less than the judge wanted.

The next morning he was greeted with a cup of coffee that was full to the brim, and the next morning and the morning after that.

The judge couldn't resist gloating over his success and smugly complimented the clerk on his new technique.

"Oh, there's not much to it," admitted the clerk happily, "I take some coffee in my mouth right outside the coffee room, and spit it back in when I get outside your office."

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Doctor's advice...

A husband is advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself.

"You don't have to let your wife henpeck you. Go home and show her you're the boss."

The husband takes the doctor's advice.

He rushes home, slams the door, shakes his fist in his wife's face, and growls, "From now on, you're taking orders from me. I want my supper right now, and when you get it on the table, go upstairs, and lay out my best clothes. Tonight, I'm going out with the boys, and you are going to stay at home where you belong. And another thing, guess who's going to comb my hair, give me a shave, and tie my necktie?"

His wife says calmly, " The undertaker."

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