A Message from the Dear Leader, Tony Blair...

Hullo 

I’m very glad to be talking to you all today. And I’m glad because of the great task which faces all of us Labour activists in the run up to this crucial election.

And lets be clear about this. To win this election, it is vital that London Young Labour do absolutely nothing. That’s why I’m so impressed with their record so far. No socials, No campaigning, and NO contact with the electorate. And that’s what’s absolutely vital – God knows what they’d think if they actually met them.

I spoke to Dr. Hans Blix the other day, and he said to me, “Tony, I’ve been looking for London Young Labour for over 2 months now  - and I have to tell you I don’t think they exist.” I don’t think there’s any greater plaudit to their sterling work than that. London Young Labour have the right to exist, but the responsibility not to do anything.

For some time now I have been travelling the world at your expense, and meeting the leaders with whom I hope to shape your future. I went to Germany and met Herr Schröder, and we exchanged very frank views in our respective languages. In America I met Mr Bush, and he told me that institutions like London Young Labour were an inspiration to us all, and he wanted me to send them to relieve the Black Watch at Camp Dogwood. So I said, “Of course George. They’re masters of disguise my lot. They’ll never know they’re there.”